Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
