Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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