I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
