And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
