Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
