I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
