he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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