My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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