Nicole vs. Life
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
