so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
