I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
