KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
