I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
