Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Hippo gnu deer
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize