Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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