you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
