this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
