"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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