News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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