I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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