I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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