His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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