these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Buhtt sex?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
