i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
