Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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