Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
