You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
