Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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