I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Ladies don't puke and tell
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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