It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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