Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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