and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
