remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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