why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
All I want is dick and wine.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
