my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
