Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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