We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
