How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Everything about him screamed your future.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
