i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
