YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
