If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
