I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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