Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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