I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
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Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
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Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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