So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
