we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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