Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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