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On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
