Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
