Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
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If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
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My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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