Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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