It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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