so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Randomize
