she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
