Swine flu. Run for my life!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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