so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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