Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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