as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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