its not stalking. its research.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
