Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
