I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
