The best revenge is premature balding
Ketchup is God's man juice
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Randomize
