my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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