i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
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You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize