I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
