Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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