I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
