I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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