Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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