I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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