FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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