Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
