i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
