I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
