I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
