Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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