I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
