3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
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I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
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Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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