He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
