is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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