Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you win again, gameday.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
