for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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